Why the Word "No" Sets Off an Oppositional, Defiant Child

Many parents of children with Oppositional Defiant Disorder feel hopeless and alone. They live in homes that become like little prisons as they deal

... Blog Archive Why I turn off Words grammar checking

Many parents of children with Oppositional Defiant Disorder feel hopeless and alone. They live in homes that become like little prisons as they deal with kids who are absolutely out of control and unmanageable. They don't like their child any more, even though they still love him or her. And they're confused about why nothing works. They tell me they feel isolated and lonely because they can't socialize with other families due to their child's behavior. Certainly things like sleepovers, days at the beach, parties-all those activities become affected by this kind of child. It's not surprising that these families have a harder time in general, and often wind up emotionally, spiritually, and functionally bankrupt. The other siblings grow up in an atmosphere of intimidation and frustration. Attempts to just get the opposition to stop, however well-intentioned, are often met with frustration and failure. As a parent of a child with ODD, your strategy has to be to learn how to manage the opposition in a way that slowly leads to its extinction. In the thirty years I worked with kids with ODD, I found that the following strategies helped improve their behavior and taught them how to cope when someone told them "no."

Why "No" Triggers an Explosion

Nobody likes the word no, especially children and adolescents. "No" means disappointment, "no" means not getting what you want, and that's frustrating and disappointing for everyone. Most children learn to deal with this somewhere around the age of two and three, when their personality actually forms. Over time, they develop the ability to balance their inner wants and needs with outside expectations and responsibility. But for kids with Oppositional Defiant Disorder, the message they internalize is, "If I'm not in control, bad things happen. When bad things are happening around me, the only way I can survive is by being in control." They react to the word "no" with yelling, threats, punching the wall or hurting one of their siblings. And the more chaos and inconsistency they perceive in their lives, the more they feel the need to stay in control.

For many of these kids, opposition and defiance become a way of reacting to authority. Every day brings a new fight as you try to exercise your authority. Whereas many children learn to accept that they can't be in control all the time, children with ODD often experience a sense of panic when they see they're not getting control. Their parents learn to walk around on tiptoes, and too many of them blame themselves or try to find some person, place or thing to point the finger at instead of focusing on the task at hand, which is, "How can I teach my child how to manage things today?"

Three Ways to De-escalate Oppositional, Defiant Behavior

"No" is a powerful word. All children have to learn how to deal with it, and children with ODD are no different. But there are things parents can do to avoid or escape from explosive behavior, or to redirect their child's behavior.

I want you to remember those words: "Avoid", "Escape" and "Redirect." Because we want to try to avoid conflicts with ODD kids, or escape those conflicts as soon as we can, and redirect them toward something positive.

Avoid the Conflict

One of the ways we avoid conflict is by having a written structure posted some place where everyone can see it, like on your refrigerator, for example. This is really a schedule that would look like the following:

Daily Schedule Snack and relax: 3:30-4:00 p.m. Chores and homework: 4:00-to 5:00 p.m.. Free time: 5:00-6:00 p.m. Dinner: 6:00 p.m. Free time after dinner: 7:00 to 7:30 p.m. Homework: 7:30 to 8:00 p.m. Bedtime: 8:30 p.m.

I think these kids do better if they come home from school or day camp, have a little snack, do some chores or homework, have brief play time, and then have dinner. After that they can do a few more chores, have some free time, then go to bed. Evenings need to be as subdued as possible. When you have such a schedule and your child says, "I want to play now," you can say, "You know the schedule, Tommy. Playtime isn't till after dinner." Now in this case, although you're saying no, you're really re-focusing that child on the schedule. Understanding the schedule and internalizing the structure are important coping skills that kids with ODD need to develop. So you're accomplishing two things here: You're avoiding a direct fight with "no," and you're focusing on structure and scheduling, which are coping skills these kids need to learn.

tiny-words-set-1-316.jpg

ahead and do it. Why would you go through unwarranted financial stress ...

Off To Nowhere box set by LTD Tee

Staff photo by DARWIN WEIGELHuntingtown claimed the Class 3A South ...

Source : http://imentalhealth.net/mental-health-disorders/childhood-disorders/why-the-word-no-sets-off-an-oppositional-defiant-child

Related video about Why the Word "No" Sets Off an Oppositional, Defiant Child

02 Status Anxiety

02 Status Anxiety Why the Word "No" Sets Off an Oppositional, Defiant Child

Commonly question about Why the Word "No" Sets Off an Oppositional, Defiant Child

Question :

Word - why is my cursor so close to the top of the document?

Whatever view I have a new document on, my typing starts at the top of the page, even if the margins are set correctly and i have no headers. I have to click onto the header, then off it and my cursor goes to where i want it to! Why won t it start where I want it to start?

Answer :
I think you re in "Web View" or "Draft View", neither of which will show margins. You want to set it to "Print View" to see your margins as they appear when you print. You can adjust this setting on the View menu.

Question :

Why do my friends prefer to set off early when going on day trips, even for short journeys?

To expand on the above question, I can understand the need to set off early if you are going somewhere which is at least a two-hour drive. However, there are times when we are going out somewhere for the day which is only the other side of my home city, and they STILL insist on setting out early.

By the way, I live in Bristol, England, U.K. It is a medium-sized city, and generally it takes no longer than 30 minutes to drive from one side of this city to the other side.

My argument is that I much prefer to have a lie-in, particularly when it is either a day off work, or a weekend. I strongly feel that days off/weekends are made for lie-ins, not for setting off early to go somewhere when your destination is only 10 miles away.

I have tried telling my friends that I do not want to be setting off by 10am when we are going on short-distance day trips. I am seriously thinking of either staying at home, or going out on my own if they insist that they keep doing this. I just FAIL to understand why the majority of my friends like getting up early, even on their days off. Trouble is, the majority always have the last word.

Also, I got REALLY upset about this yesterday when they said that they would be setting off early YET AGAIN for a short-distance day trip. I threatened to stay behind, but in the end I had a last-minute change of heart.

However, it is a dilemma, and what do you think I should do in the future? I absolutely HATE mornings, but if I do give up going out with my friends, I worry that I will be missing out.

Answer :
Have you never heard the expression "the early bird catches the worm", no matter what you are doing in life this sentence can always be applied.

Source(s):

Dont be lazy, youll get nowhere in life

Question :

Why do I keep losing breath when I sing?

I have Cystic Fibrosis. I can t sing more than a whole line at the right pitches without losing my breath.

Ex: I was just singing You re Gonna Go far, Kid from Offspring

Show me how to lie
You re getting better all the time
And turning all against the one
Is an art that s hard to teach
Another clever word
Sets off an unsuspecting herd
And as you step back into line
A mob jumps to their feet

Now dance, ******, dance
Man, he never had a chance
And no one even knew
It was really only you

And now you steal away
Take him out today
Nice work you did
You re gonna go far, kid

With a thousand lies
And a good disguise
Hit em right between the eyes
Hit em right between the eyes
When you walk away
Nothing more to say
See the lightning in your eyes
See em running for their lives

Slowly out of line
And drifting closer in your sights
So play it out I m wide awake
It s a scene about me
There s something in your way
And now someone is gonna pay
And if you can t get what you want
Well it s all because of me

Now dance, ******, dance
Man, I never had a chance
then here, i start to lose my breath and start straining then i stop.

I m so pissed that I can t sing a whole song.

I mean, I take small breaths after each line, but the breathless lines are the ones I can t accomplish.

When I lose my voice, I cant get the pitch, when I can t get the pitch, I sound terrible.

Am I just not meant to sing?

Answer :
No, it doesn t mean you re not meant to sing. It means that you don t have proper breath support. When you sing, the correct breathing method is Diaphragmatic Breathing. This also helps you get stronger notes.

I ve got a link below that you might want to look at.

Hope this helps!

Source(s):

http://www.vocalist.org.uk/breathing_exe